I Love My Mom Life

Good morning (or whatever time it is when you read this)!

Today I really wanted to share what was on my heart. I LOVE being a mom.  I mean it! There are so many things I love about being a mom! My last post was about how my pregnancy was sucking and at the end of my very long list of complaints I said that I of course wouldn't take back being pregnant because in the end I got a beautiful baby. That last sentiment means so much more today than when I wrote it. Not that I didn't whole-heartedly believe it then, but I didn't know exactly how much I meant it.

My son ended up being born 4 weeks early on June 13, 2016, and still weighed a whopping 7 lbs. 5 oz! I was SO ready to be done with pregnancy but worried that his lungs wouldn't be developed. In my small town that meant because I had to have a c-section I would stay in my town and he would be flown to the NICU in another town with the capacity to care for him. I was dreading the possible separation! I was also stressing about the whole operation and a repeat of bleeding out and almost dying like I did with my first child. I said a silent prayer as I lay on the operating table and got an overwhelming sense of peace. My prayers had been answered! All went well and we were both doing great! 

When the doctor put him up over the blue curtain that was blocking me from the surgery (which my husband gladly watched and was fascinated by) I saw his wide eyes and squishy face and instantly I was head over heals in love, even more so than I was when I was carrying him. He was SO darn cute and perfect! I cried tears of joy and relief. 

Then came the first few weeks of breastfeeding troubles, spinal tap headache, and very, very little sleep. Through all of that the joy never left. Who knew I could have so much love to give? I wondered how I could fully love two children. Even though it sounds crazy, I wondered how I could love both of them so much and if you have more than one kid, you probably understand the transitional thoughts I was feeling. You just do! It just happens and I can't explain how much overflowing love I have for my kids.

Now Lets get real... not everyday do I have this lovable demeanor, I want to scream and throw things at the wall sometimes with my soon to be 6 year old's attitude and back talk. Not to mention the early mornings and how long it takes to get ready and motivate people to get up and ready to be out the door on time. Even though I get frustrated and mad in those moments, I always have my joy. 

I have so much to be thankful for right now. My daughter is turning 6 and is loving 1st grade, my son is about 3.5 months old and I take him to work with me everyday. I love that! It can be rough at times on days when he doesn't fully cooperate, but he usually does. I get to drop my daughter off and pick her up from school everyday, and I AM DONE with my schooling (for now, but that's a topic for another day). Everyday I see my sons super cute smiley face and I love the love he has for me. His smile just melts away everything. I love that when he sees me he lights up. I love his coos, and small laughs at silly things I do. I mean come on, how cute is this kid! 

My kids amaze me everyday and I am blessed to be their mom. God chose me to be their mom, and I will forever be thankful. My daughter is in soccer again and I can't wait to see her grow in the sport she loves, and I am glad that my son will get to watch his sister. The love they already have for each other also astounds me. He loves watching her, listening to her, and talking to her. They have a huge age gap so she hasn't gone through the jealousy phase and is a great helper. I can't help but smile when they communicate.

After dropping my daughter off at school today I was sitting at the table with McLaren (my son) on my lap, drinking my coffee while he babbled and drooled on my sleeve. I was thinking, man I love my mom life. I know it can be rough and exhausting but it is truly a blessing. I am so thankful I was able to have two children because for a long time we thought we could only have one. 

Cherish your children, hold them tight, make them laugh, let them teach you things, be a kid with them sometimes, and discipline them with love when you need to. Love your mom life because it won't be like this for long.

Let's hear it for the Mom's.

Hello internet world! Can we talk for a minute?

Lets talk about pregnancy. I know what you are thinking, here we go, bring on the complaining or the "pure bliss" comments... and you know what you are right. Because honestly pregnancy sucks, and I get to think that, and at the same time I also get to think that it is the most amazing, wonderful, life changing experience a woman could ever go through. So let's get started shall we?

In the beginning God made Man and Women... wait wrong story...

In the beginning when you get a positive test you are really exited and nervous all at the same time (I'm speaking to the majority of planned pregnancies). If you have been trying for a few weeks or several years I think those feelings are still the same. Then comes morning sickness and you think, "Why the heck did I do this?" Now, you know why you did it but this is where I am going to break off from the norms.

With my first child, I didn't really get morning sickness, I have about 2 weeks of nausea and threw up once, and that is when I learned you take your prenatal's with food. Problem mostly solved. The second pregnancy I had morning sickness, then it stopped before I miscarried. This pregnancy I got morning sickness, but I also got Norovirus, in which I welcomed morning sickness instead, and it was hard to tell when I was actually over Norovirus. Even with getting actually sick, my morning sickness didn't last all that long. It lasted just a few weeks, which is terrific because some are cursed with is for months or the whole pregnancy.


With my daughter I got large rather fast, no thanks to the "eat all you want of whatever you want" mentality. This time before I got pregnant, I was in shape, a size 4/6, worked out fairly regularly, and lived by a mostly organic "clean eating" lifestyle diet, with the occasional give here and there when at a friends house or somewhere I chose not to make a huge fuss and just avoided the things I could. I continued that into this pregnancy, and I have been grateful that comparatively I have been MUCH smaller each week than compared to when I was carrying my daughter.

Around week 10 I started getting MASSIVE headaches that I couldn't do anything about, EVERYDAY! It totally sucked. Both pregnancies in the first trimester drained me of energy and I could sleep better than ever, if I had the chance. In the second trimester, there was no relief in my first pregnancy, but this pregnancy I felt great and got that, "Second trimester boost" of energy that people always talk about. I continued to exercise, which included walks, weight lifting just modified weight and exercises, swimming, and yoga. I was all set! I was going to be skinny and one of those girls that
doesn't look like she is going to pop any second or have twins. I started having pressure from the baby being so low in my first trimester which was uncomfortable, but bearable. About 22-24ish weeks I started having increased pressure and sharp pains from him that I thought was normal. Yes, this one is a boy!!! I attributed it to just being a different pregnancy, but it got increasingly hard to walk and deal with, until one day I got such a sharp pain I burst into tears. I, of course, polled my mommy friends on Facebook, but it didn't happen for the next few days so I never called the doctor and just assumed he had kicked a nerve. Let me mention, I can feel this kid kick my leg, through my hip... and I have been feeling him since shockingly early 11.5 weeks, which I thought was impossible but it's not according to my doctor, but I digress.

I continued to feel harsh pains that cramped up my entire right thigh and made me feel like I was splitting in two; but again thought nothing of it except this kid is extremely strong! Then one day in my 30th week I was sitting in class, (yes I am finishing my degree this semester 20 days before the baby comes), I was in such agony that everyone kept asking me if I was ok. With tears in my eyes I told my professor and class I was fine, the baby was just kicking me hard and to ignore any sharp intakes of breath or noises I might make. About 5 minutes later I couldn't bare it and I limped to the bathroom, wincing in pain, and bawled from the intense pain. A few people saw me and came in to make sure I was ok, and not in labor. I told them I was, and they didn't believe me. The pain normally abated by now, but this time it wasn't. I couldn't stop crying so I decided I needed to leave class and call my husband to come pick me up, then call my doctor and see if they could get me in.

My husband headed over right away and the doctor told me to go Labor and Delivery to make sure I wasn't in labor, so off we went, but not before two men helped me to the car while my husband pulled the car onto the walk way to pick me up. Super nice of them to help me, humanity still exists in places. When we got to Labor and Delivery all the nurses thought by the crying and wincing that I was in labor and at this point I was starting to worry I was, but the pain didn't feel like contractions because my belly wasn't tightening. I got asked 5 million questions, and was hooked up to the monitors to get this thing sorted out. I continued having pain when the baby would move into different spots and every time burst into tears (which gets exhausting by the way) and take sharp breaths in, almost as if I was in labor. I was grateful the doctor came in and saw it happening because typically when the doctor comes in, you are completely normal, as if to be making the whole thing up. She was able to determine that it wasn't contractions, and went on to evaluate what could be causing this extreme pain. Eventually the diagnosis was made that I had Pelvic Symphysis, aka Symphysis Pubis Dysfunction, aka Pelvis separation and softening too much. Look here if you care to find out the details.

I was grateful I wasn't in labor but this put an end to almost all activities. No more exercise, as little walking as possible, get an SI belt (which I already had for sciatic and back pain), and bring on the weight. I mean seriously, this sucks. I already have a high risk pregnancy from ITP which gets worse during pregnancy. I get my blood drawn every 2 weeks, and see 3 different doctors to monitor the pregnancy. On top of the P.S. diagnosis my platelets have continued to drop so I need and IVIG transfusion, that will take 6 entire hours! The transfusion is expected to boost mine and babies platelets in preparation for the repeat C-section I have to have.

So let me rant. Pregnancy already brings on a load of problems, I've provided a list for the unaware:

• Constant peeing
• Morning sickness
• Back pain
• Uncontrollable hormones (aka, crying at the drop of a hat, or being really irrationally angry)
• Hunger attacks at anytime, but especially while actually sleeping because you are not peeing
• Cravings
• Constipation
• Hemorrhoids 
• Lack of sleep
• Fatigue, even when you get some sleep
• Swelling
• Headaches
• Breast tenderness
• Breast leakiness (is that a word?)
• Stuffiness
• Leg cramps
• Acne... face and back...
• Compressed lungs
• The inability to get out of bed like a normal person... it takes you .5 seconds... it takes me a full 3 minutes unless my husband helps pull me up or roll me over.
• Itching all over from stretching
• Stretch marks
• Aches and pains
• Sweatiness

So on top of all of those symptoms, I get this P.S. and ITP crap. I am tired, my back hurts almost constantly, my pelvis and legs hurt at random times, sometimes for long periods at a time, and now my dreams of being fit my whole pregnancy are gone. I have hit a number I NEVER wanted to see again and that is 185 lbs. I have 6 weeks left people... just under 6 weeks... that is the time babies gain all the extra weight. I went from small/medium maternity clothes (which are freaking expensive for the short duration you use actually wear them), to having to buy a large or extra large!!! Doesn't my body remember how hard it was with my daughter to get to a 4/6!?! I mean, it was brutal! 

I am fully prepared for all out war on my body after this kid gets here and I am cleared for activities. I did it once, I can do it again right? I am in the home stretch of this pregnancy and it will be my last. I can't do this again, the more times you are pregnant the hard it gets, and the older you get and your body just hates you. 

Some people have the luxury of not having many or any of the listed pregnancy problems and I envy them. I'd love to have long flowing locks of great, thick hair, that "glow" everyone talks about... um... honey I don't glow... it's the shine from all hormonal oil collecting on my face that is sure to produce about 5 zits that refuse to pop and or stay gone if they do. I'd love to be all belly, but no... my arms are fat, my thighs are huge, and I had to take my wedding rings off at 32 weeks so now people can assume I am an unwed hussy, (I don't know if they do, but I feel weird not having them on), my clothes are never comfortable unless they are yoga pants and I am without a bra, my shoes don't fit well and even so - I can't bend over to tie them if they have laces, I haven't seen my... well ya know... in over a month, forget shaving my legs... I know I could go on but I will spare you.

I just needed to vent. I think we all need to vent. We just need to complain about things that suck sometimes. I complain about it, but would I do it all over again if I knew this was going to happen? Yes, yes I would. I have an unbelievable appreciation and gratefulness to God for the ability to have a baby, and now two. I was told it was unsafe for me to have kids again (which was then proved wrong by several second opinions 5 years later) after my daughter and miscarriage. So despite all of this, I would do it again... but this will be the last time. I wish every women could experience pregnancy that wanted to and I know that some of them can't. I don't complain to belittle their pain or struggles, but it doesn't make pregnancy suck any less while you are going though it. One's persons struggle doesn't belittle or take away from another, we all are entitled to our feelings.

God Bless all the women who suffer through pregnancy for the beauty of a child!

Speak Up September

HAPPY SEPTEMBER! And Labor Day weekend!

September is my favorite month for a few reasons, 1. it starts to feel like fall my favorite season 2. My birthday month 3. my anniversary month 4. My daughters birthday!

So yeah September is full! Since my daughter starts school in September it is even more full now! So of course I almost forgot to do this today! I actually started blogging and then when I went on YouTube I saw Emily's Speak Up video and thought oh yeah!

We appropriately talk about work, since ya know, labor day!

Something I forgot to mention in my video is that I am in a Country singing competition called Country Showdown (click here to see my page and hear me sing) and I won this past month at the local level. September 19th I compete at the State level and I am really excited about that but as we are discussing in our topic, it takes work. It takes time and effort into picking songs, practicing songs, critiquing yourself, fixing small things to get the song as perfect as can be. And lets be honest it takes work to not have anxiety about the whole thing. So keep up with me and send your prayers that I win because it's a good chunk of change to win State and $100,000 if I get to Nationals and win... plus this is kind of my dream career.

Without further ado here is my contribution to Speak up Link up this month:



Click here to get linked up!

Speak Up - Restoring Creativity

Here is my vlog for this months topic!

It was a hard one for me because I just couldn't think of much but I got enough footage thanks to watching Amber's vlog ideas!


Also make sure you are watching my VEDA (vlog everyday in August) on my youtube channel! I log doing VEDA and we have various topics through out the month, so tag along with me!

Here is a link to Speak Up link up as well

Speak Up: Independence

SO I am a bit late but if you watch you'll hear why!

Hopefully next month we have this figured out and I can get pregnant! Come back next month!

Speak Up: Picnic

Well, Hello!

It's time to Speak Up!

This months Speak Up topic was picnic. Perfect topic for the weather we had here in my town today. Today caught me off guard as it seems to every first Friday of the month even though I remember prior to the day I need to film. Some things I didn't mention in my video are the my husband and I are very excited to be getting more involved in our church in our new town. We have been here 9 month! We still love it and are seeing God move and grow within us. My daughter graduated preschool this week and very unexpectedly I bawled my eyes out. BUT without further a-due here is my video on this months topic.

***Disclaimer... my hair sucks, but I am getting it done tomorrow!

Click below to see more of my speak up friends and it's never too late to join us!

A foodie post: Sriracha Honey Garlic Chicken and Veggies

Happy Tuesday which feels just like a Monday because yesterday was Memorial Day! Memorial Day is such an amazing day that we get to honor and remember all the soldiers who lost their lives serving for our freedom in America. Most Americans celebrate by getting together, wearing Red, White and Blue and having food! I took part in the BBQ-ing tradition and made some fantastic skewers that quite a few people have now asked for the recipe. I thought I should blog about it, then pin it to share this amazing recipe with anyone who wants some good, healthy, amazingly flavorful, spicy food!

Now I am one of those people, sometimes referred to as a "granola" person that eats practically all organic and non-GMO foods. I actually have an inactive blog I started when I had more time to devote to helping people with tips and tricks to being more health, but since I hardly ever use it I am going to share it on my "lifestyle" blog.

Here we go!

The above is prepped skewer... I don't have a picture of them after they are grilled but yes, they still looked (and tasted) delicious!

Here is what to buy to make as many as are in the above picture:

• 1 pound or approximately 4-5 organic fed and cage free chicken thighs
• 1 large bag of organic sweet peppers (you will have left overs which are great on salads or as a snack)
• 2-3 organic medium to large zucchini's
• 2 organic medium yellow crook neck squash (or as I like to call them yellow zucchini)
• 1 medium to large organic red onion
• Fresh garlic 
• 1 bottle of Organic Sriracha Sauce (can't find it in the store? get it here but I find it cheaper at the store) this one tastes absolutely hands down better than all the others
• Approx. 16 oz raw local honey
• Metal or wood skewers (if you use wood soak them for several hours so they don't burn when grilling)

Instructions:

• Mix 1/2 cup Sriracha sauce, 1/2 cup honey and 3 cloves mince garlic in a small bowl
• Cut chicken into cubes at desired size (keep in mind that you want them to cook inside before the veggies burn)
• In a separate bowl combine approx. 3/4 of the sauce mixture with the cubed chicken and let it marinate for 30 minutes or over night in the fridge.
• While chicken is marinating slice all veggies into skewer size slices (use picture for reference) (I cut the tops off of the sweet peppers and that took most if not all of the seeds out)
• Layer in whatever order you would like *Note* the thickest part of the yellow squash I folded over slightly so the skewer went through twice some broke but still layered fine
• After skewer is built use a marinating brush or just drizzle over the entire skewer with the 1/4 that is left of the sauce. Any left over marinade from the chicken should be poured on too.
• Grill um up!

This is very simple and fun to make especially for a party but it got me thinking as I was taste testing with a few left over cuts of each item... this would be awesome over brown rice or quinoa! So the next night I did the same thing except I pan cooked the chicken in 3/4 of the sauce (after marinating) and covered it so the sauce would stay with the chicken, I cooked the cut veggies in another pan with the 1/4 left over sauce and combine them to put over rice and you know what? IT WAS AMAZING! And I added mushrooms! You can always make some more sauce just use a 1 to 1 ratio of Sriracha and honey and vary the garlic accordingly.

Happy Eating!

Speak Up - Growth

SOOOO this day kind of snuck up on me! Anyone else think this year is going by crazy fast? I mean MAY already? And I know I totally should have realized it because every year I am one of those Facebook people that posts the Justin Timberlake picture with the caption "It's gonna be May"... I mean hello!

Anyway I am glad I remembered because I have some exciting things growing in my life and I really love to share and hear other people share. So without further ado check out my vlog below and then don't forget to check out all the linked up vlogs on Mr. Thomas and Me  that hosts with Annie and put this shin-dig together!

Speak Up- Celebrate

Happy April, Happy Easter and here is my Vlog for this months topic (with VEDApril Day 3 squeezed in)





And Don't forget to click on this picture to see more people Speaking up! And join us if you want to Speak up!

Speak Up Link Up - Truth

Hello everyone that is visiting me!

This month I talk about some truths in my life. Ya know life is crazy,  insanely crazy and if you knew what was going to happen... well I guess that would be pretty boring. I was excited to share this video with you! I love this Speak Up link up that was formed and encourage you to jump on in for next months topic Celebration! You can take that in any direction you choose, but just SPEAK UP!

Thanks for joining me and subscribe to keep updated with my posts, I love having you! Be sure to share your truths in the comments or just comment and say hi!


I'd like to add one more truth that didn't make it in my video... I have been blonde (naturally) all my life, until last week when I got my hair done I found out my hair has become light brown... not blonde... that just seems weird after being blonde since birth...




Make sure you click here to see the other topics & videos and to join in!

Speak Up Link Up February-- Hearts

Hello friends!

This month for Speak Up we are talking about Hearts. Below is my vlog for my take on the topic this month.


Make sure you link up or at lease check out the other people linking up by clicking on Speak Up below. It's a lovely group of ladies that are speaking up and leaving a mark on this world.

When I make it

Life is a mess, and life is beautiful, and life sucks and life is amazing. Life is such a ride, a road with unexpected twists and turns, hills and valleys. I sit here typing this as today marks day 4 my daughter has had a fever and my husband and I have had to miss 2 days of work each, in the midst of financial hardship already. Oh and we don't have medical insurance yet... one more day of this and I am taking her in regardless of what I won't be able to pay.

I was having a conversation the other night with a small group of friends that get together and have bible study every week about life and hope. In fact, in all areas of my life things keep leading me to keeping having hope and pushing on because things will in fact get better. How insane is it that last Sundays sermon was about having hope? It was like the entire sermon was directed at my family, especially me. What I have come to decide is that hope sounds like an amazing thing but sometimes it truly sucks, and I believe that was said on Sunday. In my mind I shouted "AMEN!" because that is EXACTLY how I feel.

One of the things touched on in bible study this week was how we always look to the future and set an age or finished accomplishment as a marker for "when we have made it". When you are young you think when I grown up and move out I will be successful, or I will have "made it". Then one day that thing happens and you are left with almost a sense of loss that that thing you have been striving or longing for is done, over and gone and you aren't where you thought you would be.  

I am 26 and yeah, yeah, yeah, some of you will think I am old, some of you will think I am young but I certainly thought my life would look different than it does. A broke mother of 1 child that will most-likely stay an only child given my genetic make-up, still working on my degree with a husband that is as well. Being a full-time working mother feeling torn between having to be responsible for income and still being a mother when my child is sick and needs me home. I pictured myself with 2 kids at this point, for sure a dog, a nice but not extravagant 3 bedroom house with a yard being a stay at home mom, maybe working from home part time and certainly I had a great savings account. At least 3-6 months income in the bank. Reality is I have almost none of what I pictured.

So where does that leave me? Stressed out and dying to not be in my current situation? Yes, but more than that. I have this hope (honestly annoying hope) that things will get better and that my life isn't made by money. things or even what I though my life "should" be by now. It's about what I get out of these crappy times, and what I do moving forward. Do I give up? I certainly could, but won't. I will cry many tears, yell and scream at God (which has happened more than normal lately) asking why, and what the heck, and do you really think this is necessary and so on and so forth. The other day after a VERY hard day at work with some girls who don't really care for my presence I literally for the first time EVER just screamed because I had no more words for stress and emotions I felt. I screamed loud and hard in the car by myself and yes some if not most of it was directed at God. I prefer to be an honest person, honest with myself, everyone I know and God... I think he's a big boy and can handle my emotions. 

Anyway, back to this hope... I have it and I will push on beyond this bump in the road because my hope is not in the world, but in the Lord. All this will pass away and 10 years from now I may look back at this time and say "Wow, that wasn't as bad as it seemed" or "Yeah, that was awful and I am so glad it is over". After all this I will know that I grew, and that it didn't last forever. Nothing last forever but God and His kingdom. As annoying as that sounds, even to myself right now because I feel anything but perky and joyful, I know it to be truth and the truth is what I cling to, because that is when I will have finally made it.

"Heaven and earth will pass away, but my words will never pass away"- Matthew 24:35

"Let us hold fast the confession of our hope without wavering, for He who promised is faithful"- Hebrews 10:23

He is for me

This weekend at church during worship, I had an epiphany. Jesus is for me. I have been a Christian for a long time now; I asked Jesus in to my heart at a very young age and was baptized in the fourth grade. I have had my ups and downs in my walk of faith and sometimes things just hit you, even if you have heard them a million times. I can't even remember the song that was playing but one thing stood out. Jesus is for me. In my world it really seems like the world is out to be against me. At work you hear a whisper of your name between co-workers as you pass, someone cuts you off in traffic, you forget something important, you fail something, someone gives you a dirty look and many judge you. All these things can be so exhausting and as much as I'd like to say it doesn't bother me... it totally does. I have tried so many times to just brush those things off, but don't we all want to be liked? Don't we all want to part of the laughter going on instead of thinking that you are the reason people are laughing or whispering? 

When we are children and even teenagers we think that these childish actions will go away when we grow up, but they don't they only change into more deeply crushing moments sometimes. As an adult it can be harder to make friends and harder to get into a crowd because they are already established. I put myself out there a lot, and many times I get rejected. It hurts and thanks to Jesus I keep on trying. I am not saying it's impossible but it is very difficult but, Jesus is for me.

"The LORD is for me, so I will have no fear. What can mere people do to me?" Pslam 118:6 (ESV). 

This verse isn't saying things people do won't hurt, or cause a few tears from time to time but it does put so many things into perspective. We do not need the approval of people, nor the fear of what they may put us through. We do not need to fear at all. I question myself all the time. Am I smart enough? Am I strong enough? Am I a good wife, and a good mother. Am this or that and really the list goes on. But I am, I am all of those things and I don't need anyone else to approve of me. Jesus is for me. He is rooting for me and encouraging me, and most times carrying me through this life. He is that life line I don't reach out to often enough. 

I have learned that my biggest down fall with Him is trust. "Trust in the LORD with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways submit to him, and he will make your paths straight" Proverbs 3: 5-6 (NIV). But here again I fail, and that's ok. Jesus is for me and He always will be. He's got my back. Now the question moving forward after realizing this is-- Jesus is for me, but am I for Him? I am going to keep reminding myself Jesus is for me and as long and I keep coming back to Him and using him as my reassurance, I am certain I will grow in many ways. I am for Jesus, but even more Jesus is for me and I am so thankful He is.

Lyrics from Chris Tomlin- Jesus Loves me
I was lost
I was in chains
The world had a hold of me

My heart was a stone
I was covered in shame
When He came for me

I couldn't run, couldn't run from His presence
I couldn't run, couldn't run from His arms

Jesus, He loves me, He loves me, He is for me
Jesus, how can it be, He loves me, He is for me

And it was a fire
Deep in my soul
I'll never be the same

I stepped out of the dark
And into the light
When He called my name

I couldn't run, couldn't run from His presence
I couldn't run, couldn't run from His arms

He holds the stars and He holds my heart
With healing hands that bear the scars
The rugged cross where He died for me
My only hope, my everything

More direction

     So here we go again, 2015 is here and this year I intend to blog more because I enjoy it and the blogging community. Things in life sometimes get in the way of what I enjoy and sometimes that is for good reason. I have homework, a daughter to take care of, a marriage to nurture exercise to do and responsibilities to maintain. I have had this blog coming up on four years now and I think it's time to take it in another direction... well to take it in an actually direction would be more accurate.

     Over the last four years I have grown in so many areas and just changed with time and I think for the better. No I haven't hit perfection and frankly I never will, but it's time to reflect some of that in this blog. Who knows maybe one day I will break away from Googles formatting and get my own domain which will only happen if I progress in blogging.

     So in the last four or five years I have become an avid book lover. I never knew how much fun reading could be! Being forced to read things that were uninteresting to me in school gave me the opinion that reading was boring. I couldn't have been more wrong. Two years ago I found reading so enjoyable that while working at a job doing monotonous tasks I was introduced to audible. Audible basically took over the next year of my life forty plus hours a week and made commuting over an hour to and from work much more enjoyable. I stumbled upon Diana Gabaldon and her Outlander series and couldn't be stopped. Since then I searched for a book club, tried to start one then moved out of state before it could really go anywhere. Fortunately I was invited to an online book club that I could get new titles from and interact with other book lovers. To be honest I skipped a few books because there are a few books (anything involving vampire relations... or vampires in general) I don't care for. I am also an extrovert so in my new little town I made friends with another book lover by chance and FINALLY got invited into a book club.

     The first book I was introduced to in that club was The Red Tent, and then Unbroken and let me just stop there because that book was AMAZING! And you should read it... the movie can never live up to the book. See the movie if you want but it really had very little to it when you know what the books real meat and points are. Aaaannnndddd back on track to my point... I want to discuss books, music, religion and yes still things about just me and what is going one BUT I want more defined posts and direction other than just ramblings all the time. I joined Speak Up  this year so that will be apart of this years blogging once a month, but I want to guest blog and have guest bloggers who love to blog about the same things. If you have topics for this type of blogging please send them my way. I'd love your suggestions, comments and support for my newer direction with this blog!

Speak Up Link Up: Wild and Free

I just found out about Speak Up today and I got really excited to link up and participate. The subject and the videos I have watched really touched me and provoked thoughts for the past year and the upcoming year.

January's theme: Wild and Free.

Here are my thoughts:

To link up go here:

Also check out the links at the bottom of my video to see some others speaking up this year!


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Back to Blogging

Well, well, well. It has been some time since I have written a post over here! 

I've been through a whirl wind of things since my last posts in January, when I was laid off. So let’s catch up!

It took a fight and several weeks... almost two months to get my unemployment checks coming in, but finally it came in. My claim was set to expire on January 17, 2015... one year from being laid-off. I was going about applying for jobs, and joined a fantastic MOMS Club in the months after being laid-off. My life came to a crashing halt when my husband was injured at work and then hospitalized with a serious Staph infection that got bone deep. He was placed on a continues drip antibiotic via a PICC line and sent home for 6 weeks off work and a weekly, at home nurse changing the PICC line site and drawing labs, to keep an eye on how it was fighting the infection. During his first week at home something seemed off. He was continuously growing more and more fatigued, sleeping almost all of the days and nights. It was addressed but dismissed until he broke out in another high fever, landing us back in the ER room. This was the day of my daughters very first dance recital, and I had to miss it (However she was able to perform because my in-laws took her for me). 

After many more hours in the ER and almost having to be readmitted because of insurance issues, he was given a new antibiotic that was a daily dose instead of a continuous drip. This medication started working immediately and he shown great improvement over the next few days. We fought back and forth with the workers comp insurance... it was (and is) a royal pain in the neck! We still have yet to receive any funds from his 2 months off. That was JUNE people! Get with the program, it's August.

In all of this drama, stress and financial hardship, somehow... before my unemployment claim expired I received a letter stating I had "exhausted all unemployment benefits"... How can this be? Unemployment lasts a year! I did that calculations, knew how much I would be getting and then so did they. How could I run out before my claim is up? This I still don't know. We had some issues with  Scott's original position he was suppose to go back to, which I am not comfortable discussing on a public blog, but let's just say we instantly had a huge financial change in our household. 

In April I picked up a very part time job playing Disney Princesses for events and Children's parties (No I do not work at Disney Land... I still have yet to go there). It is very fun, but very part time. It pays very well for the time I am a princess so it has been a huge help. This brings me to another point. Why the heck can't I find a job? I have lots of experience, good references and even a fantastic letter of recommendation! I have applied for hundreds, possibly thousands of jobs since January and have managed to land 3... that's right only 3 interviews. One never called back and for that I am glad for, it would have been an awful job, only contributing to our stressful situation. I have a second interview for one, and one tomorrow morning. 

I have NEVER, EVER had a hard time finding employment. I also wasn't as picky about my needs either. Having a child comes with responsibility, which I have, and money. Money really is the issue. I am not above working many jobs, but I can't take jobs that I can't place my daughter in a safe, affordable preschool/daycare. I truly desire to work no more than part time until she is in school and even then I want flexibility to drop her off and pick her up, or at least one of them if Scott can do the other. I am forced to battle internally with what is more right to do. When I did work full time I had such a small amount of time with her it really wasn't fair to her. I also made the decision to go for a career and get back in school, cutting my time with her even shorter some days. Being unemployed has given me so much time with my daughter and I am truly blessed by this.

So here is my dilemma, which caused me to write this blog. I have potentially two opportunities in the near future. I may have to turn one down because I can only see it taking away from my time to look for a better paying job, with more advancement opportunities. The other I may have to start out low on the pay scale but have better advancing opportunities. I just can't see taking a position that only hinders our situation, without a foreseeable advancement.

 I am a firm believer in the Bible and Jesus. God provides. He does, He always has. This isn't our first go around with a financial hardship, I mean we got married right as the recession hit and have been through 3 lay-offs in 5 years. He has gotten us through and shown His faithfulness. It is hard to see past this point right now, but I know He can and that is what I keep trying to focus on. Today was probably one of the harder days as I sat down to see what next months budget will possibly look like. It is never comforting to see more outgoing than incoming. 

We have been racking our brains on how to lower the outgoing, but unless we "give back" our Jeep and commit financial suicide... and career suicide as a person going into the accounting field... we can't see how to lower our outgoing. I have cut every place I can cut so I have put my trust in the Lord again, and wait for Him to show me what He has in store because it is now beyond my control. Applying for jobs is only part of the battle and I am doing my part. 

"And my God will supply all your needs according to His riches in glory in Christ Jesus" -Phil 4:19

So God I say to You: I am grateful for all You do in my life. You see the needs of my family and my individual needs. I ask for You to provide and guide me to make the correct choices that align with Your will. Give me faith unshakable, even when everything seems hopeless. 

Amen.

Announcement!

So many people are reaching out on Facebook saying they want or need help in different ways to get weight off, and be healthy. I believe I can help. In addition to this blog I have decided to dedicate another blog to putting as much information as I can out there for helping people who want to be healthy and maybe aren't quite sure how. That blog is called Food and Fitness Friday.

I am so excited for it! I am always spreading my new found health and fitness knowledge with people (or old found health and fitness knowledge with new people). If you know me, you know I have talked about it. That is because, as some of you know, I had to go on a journey of discovering what healthy was so I myself could get healthy. This blog is going to be a space where I will be talking about the things that can help people get healthy. I give them advice and tools they refer back to in case they forget anything.

Please check it out, subscribe and please spread the word. I have a welcome post as of today and have already prepped my post for Friday!

Thank you in advance!

Here is where I find myself

It has been a while since my last blog post... why? Because I have... I take that back... HAD no time. I was working full time, going to school full time, being a Mom, starting making and selling my own jewelry, and let's not forget staying in shape. So how do I have time for this post? Glad you asked...

Today I am officially UNEMPLOYED. Not by choice, I have been laid off. 

Naturally, I cried my eyes out, thought of all the horrible things that will happen without the amount of money I was making, and filed for unemployment. After speaking with my mother in law who happens to be a Human Resource Manager, we figured out approximately how much I will pull in while on unemployment and talked about how this may actually be a blessing.

I realized I get to be a stay at home mom again. I don't have to pay someone to watch my child (which if you don't know it cost upwards of $550-$1000 depending on whether it is an in home daycare or a preschool with daycare... if you are thinking Yikes, you would be correct), I get to teach her more, see her more and experience more with her which was the plan when I had her. When my husband was laid off I had to changed that plan and now I am literally forced into it again. 

I also now get to enjoy being a house wife. I get to have time to clean my house, and cook! OH I love cooking these days (when I have the energy, which work zapped me of most days). I am into healthy food, farmers markets and trying new recipes and I can take my daughter to the farmers markets for some local cheaper, organic foods! Teaching her how to be healthy and getting her outside. 

Some other blessings I didn't think about at first is, I don't have to DRIVE an hour in traffic each way to work!!! YAY!!! I hate traffic! HATE IT! No more of that! Also more time for the things I want to pursue:
Music. My awesome husband got me a microphone for Christmas and it hooks up to my mac, (which I am learning how to use more and more) and to the system at church! 
Jewelry. I have been making Jewelry. Uproar Jewelry check it out. 
Also... I can draw... did you know that? Well now you do. Tonight I went to one of my favorite stores of all time, Hobby Lobby, and purchased some things for jewelry, a pastel chalk sketch pad, paint, paint brushes, and blank canvases. Should keep me busy when I need an outlet.
School. I don't have to stress so much about fitting my homework and essays into such small time frames, maybe even double up and finish sooner!

The last thing that has been pointed out to me is, I get to be picky about a job. I don't have to take a job I don't want. I can ask for the wage I think I deserve and get good benefits that we need. 

In all of this I see the scary side too, but I have to know and trust that God has me, he has control and "Look at the birds of the air; they do not sow or reap or store away in barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not much more valuable than they?" Matthew 6:26

I matter to God and he puts us through things to make us stronger. A friend told me tonight from a sermon he saw "your muscles won't grow without lifting weights, and your faith won't grow without a little hardship". This is something I needed to hear. We will get through this and we will be stronger. 

Thank you to all of my friends and family that are praying and looking out for us. You truly touch my heart with your kindness.

Glorious

Today was a fun day. It started off annoying because I was tired and not wanting to dealing with a fussy almost 3 year old.

We woke up, I Vlogged my #VEDA topic right away because of the prompt for VEDA day 18 and we went to the early service at church. Immediately I regretted that... if you click on the link you will see I am not a very good morning person. I didn't have coffee, my husband was going golfing after church and that left me to go to the grocery store with a whiny almost 3 year old by myself, then to my house to clean... which my house was in serious need of.

I managed to take care of all of that and listen to my very favorite book "Outlander" by Diana Gabaldon while cleaning. This really perked up my day. Listening to my favorite book and accomplishing something much needed while my daughter napped (YAY for Nap time!) was really uplifting. I stopped when she woke up because it's almost impossible to clean while she is up. I couldn't believe how much I got done while she napped! I have so much more room (for activities... hope you get that reference) after rearranging the living and dining rooms! I mean, not a ton this place is small, but more free space which makes me happy.

After a bit I headed to my friends house to pick him up and carpool to another friends birthday party at the lake. There was good friends and fun there. I rented a paddle board for the first time and took turns with the kids giving them a little ride each before having to return it for the night. It was a great work out and my daughter was watched by friends as I took kids out. My husband finally got done with his long day of golf and I was really glad to see him. My daughter was in a great mood after her nap, an although I would have loved one myself earlier in the day, the day still turned out to be pretty darn good.

Switching Subjects...

School is going extremely well and I am writing an essay on Exercise and Obesity that I plan on sharing here after it is finished in the next month or so.

Glad I finally had time to write a blog post. Feels good, just like today.

"Never Wax Your Hoo-Ha!"

I saw this posted on Facebook posted by Wive Approved's page and laughed so hard I had to share!

NEVER WAX YOUR HOO-HA

All hair removal methods have tricked women with their promises of easy, painless hair removal - The Epilady, scissors, razors, Nair and now....the wax. Read on..........
My night began as any other normal weeknight. Come home, fix dinner, play with the kids.

I then had the thought that would ring painfully in my mind for the next few hours: 'Maybe I should get the waxing kit from the medicine cabinet. So I headed to the site of my demise: the bathroom.

It was one of those 'cold wax' kits. No melting a clump of hot wax, you just rub the strips together in your hand, they get warm and you peel them apart and press them to your leg (or wherever else) and you pull the hair right off. No muss, no fuss. How hard can it be?

I mean, I'm not a genius, but I am mechanically inclined enough to figure this out. (YA THINK!?!) So I pull one of the thin strips out. Its two strips facing each other stuck together. Instead of rubbing them together, my genius kicks in so I get out the hair dryer and heat it to 1000 degrees. ('Cold wax,' yeah...right!) I lay the strip across my thigh. Hold the skin around it tight and pull.

It works!

OK, so it wasn't the best feeling, but it wasn't too bad. I can do this! Hair removal no longer eludes me! I am She-rah, fighter of all wayward body hair and maker of smooth skin Extraordinaire. With my next wax strip I move north. After checking on the kids I sneak back into the bathroom for the ultimate hair fighting championship. I drop my panties and place one foot on the toilet...

Using the same procedure, I apply the wax strip across the right side of my bikini line, covering the right half of my hoo-ha and stretching down to the inside of my butt cheek (it was a long strip).

I inhale deeply and brace myself.... RRRRIIIPPP!!!!

I'm blind!!! Blinded from pain!!!!..... OH MY GAWD!!!!!!!!!
Vision returning, I notice that I've only managed to pull off half the strip.

CRAP!

Another deep breath and RIPP! Everything is spinning and spotted. I think I may pass out.... I must stay conscious.... I must stay conscious. Do I hear crashing drums??? Breathe, breathe.... OK, back to normal.

I want to see my trophy - a wax covered strip, the one that has caused me so much pain, with my hairy pelt sticking to it. I want to revel in the glory that is my triumph over body hair. I hold up the strip!

There's no hair on it. Where is the hair??? WHERE IS THE WAX???

Slowly I ease my head down, foot still perched on the toilet. I see the hair. The hair that should be on the strip... it's not! I touch....I am touching wax. I run my fingers over the most sensitive part of my body, which is now covered in cold wax and matted hair. Then I make the next BIG mistake ... Remember my foot is still propped upon the toilet? So I put my foot down.

Sealed shut! My butt is sealed shut. Sealed shut! I penguin walk around the bathroom trying to figure out what to do and think to myself 'Please don't let me get the urge to poop....my head may pop off!'

What can I do to melt the wax? Hot water!! Hot water melts wax!! I'll run the hottest water I can stand in the bathtub, get in, immerse the wax-covered bits and the wax should melt and I can gently wipe it off, right ???

*WRONG!!!!!!!*

I get in the tub - the water is slightly hotter than that used to torture prisoners of war or sterilize surgical equipment - I sit. Now, the only thing worse than having your nether regions glued together, is having them glued together and then glued to the bottom of the tub.....in scalding hot water. Which, by the way, does not melt cold wax.

So, now I'm stuck to the bottom of the tub as though I had cemented myself to the porcelain!! God bless the man who had convinced me a few months ago to have a phone put in the bathroom!!!!! I call my friend, thinking surely she has waxed before and has some secret of how to get me undone. It's a very good conversation starter.

'So, my butt and hoo-ha are glued together to the bottom of the tub!'

There is a slight pause. She doesn't know any secret tricks for removal but she does try to hide her laughter from me. She wants to know exactly where the wax is located, 'Are we talking cheeks or hoo-ha?' She's laughing out loud by now ... I can hear her. I give her the rundown and she suggests I call the number on the side of the box. YEAH!!!!! Right!! I should be the joke of someone else's night.

While we go through various solutions, I resort to trying to scrape the wax off with a razor. Nothing feels better than to have your girlie goodies covered in hot wax, glued shut, stuck to the tub in super hot water and then dry-shaving the sticky wax off!! By now the brain is not working, dignity has taken a major hike and I'm pretty sure I'm going to need Post-Traumatic Stress counseling for this event.

My friend is still talking with me when I finally see my saving grace.....the lotion they give you to remove the excess wax. What do I really have to lose at this point? I rub some on and OH MY GOD!!! The scream probably woke the kids and scared the dickens out of my friend. It's sooo painful, but I really don't care.

'IT WORKS!!

I get a hearty congratulation from my friend and she hangs up. I successfully remove the remainder of the wax and then notice to my grief and despair....THE HAIR IS STILL THERE.......ALL OF IT!

So I recklessly shave it off. Heck, I'm numb by now. Nothing hurts. I could have amputated my own leg at this point.

Next week I'm going to try hair color......how bad can that turn out???