Hmmph

So many thoughts go through my head on a daily basis. It's weird to me how I can understand something so clearly one day and look back on it and see something else... This is very vague I know but I have just been thinking about so many things lately. How people function, why they act the way they do (including myself). How small groups of people can give a whole group a bad rep and turn people away... How a big group of people suck and there are a small few who are amazing in the same group. How people can't own up to the things they do but want to "fix it"... again all vague but you can probably think of multiple topics that can fit into the things I am saying, can't you?

I keep trying to make sense of somethings, but I know somethings I will never be able to make sense of. Sometime I envy people who don't waste time thinking about detailed things like me, but then do I, really? Do I want to walk around not knowing or thinking about how I can figure things out?

One thing I have decided on is I am taking a break from church. Not from God... but from Church. I am so sad about it BUT can't bring myself to go to a place that is corrupt and many more things. Besides... the church isn't jut a building and that is what I am taking a break from. I am going to be studying in small personal groups and by myself. To do something without a ton of structure (structure and organization can be in different categorize... I like organization lol). I want a place of interaction, study, questions and conversation... I think churches these days are missing the mark and forgetting that the greatest commandment of all is LOVE. It's not about rules and pushing agendas... God is a big boy and doesn't need your agenda, and your harsh words that come from defense and anger, pride and selfishness. 

I wish I knew the actual numbers on people that study the bible that attend church... my guess is it's very low, most get what they say from the preacher/pastor/reverend ect. I don't want to be like that anymore. 

Can I get an AMEN?

Psalm 139:23

New International Version (NIV)

²³ Search me, God, and know my heart;
    test me and know my anxious thoughts.