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Well, well, well. It has been some time since I have written a post over here! 

I've been through a whirl wind of things since my last posts in January, when I was laid off. So let’s catch up!

It took a fight and several weeks... almost two months to get my unemployment checks coming in, but finally it came in. My claim was set to expire on January 17, 2015... one year from being laid-off. I was going about applying for jobs, and joined a fantastic MOMS Club in the months after being laid-off. My life came to a crashing halt when my husband was injured at work and then hospitalized with a serious Staph infection that got bone deep. He was placed on a continues drip antibiotic via a PICC line and sent home for 6 weeks off work and a weekly, at home nurse changing the PICC line site and drawing labs, to keep an eye on how it was fighting the infection. During his first week at home something seemed off. He was continuously growing more and more fatigued, sleeping almost all of the days and nights. It was addressed but dismissed until he broke out in another high fever, landing us back in the ER room. This was the day of my daughters very first dance recital, and I had to miss it (However she was able to perform because my in-laws took her for me). 

After many more hours in the ER and almost having to be readmitted because of insurance issues, he was given a new antibiotic that was a daily dose instead of a continuous drip. This medication started working immediately and he shown great improvement over the next few days. We fought back and forth with the workers comp insurance... it was (and is) a royal pain in the neck! We still have yet to receive any funds from his 2 months off. That was JUNE people! Get with the program, it's August.

In all of this drama, stress and financial hardship, somehow... before my unemployment claim expired I received a letter stating I had "exhausted all unemployment benefits"... How can this be? Unemployment lasts a year! I did that calculations, knew how much I would be getting and then so did they. How could I run out before my claim is up? This I still don't know. We had some issues with  Scott's original position he was suppose to go back to, which I am not comfortable discussing on a public blog, but let's just say we instantly had a huge financial change in our household. 

In April I picked up a very part time job playing Disney Princesses for events and Children's parties (No I do not work at Disney Land... I still have yet to go there). It is very fun, but very part time. It pays very well for the time I am a princess so it has been a huge help. This brings me to another point. Why the heck can't I find a job? I have lots of experience, good references and even a fantastic letter of recommendation! I have applied for hundreds, possibly thousands of jobs since January and have managed to land 3... that's right only 3 interviews. One never called back and for that I am glad for, it would have been an awful job, only contributing to our stressful situation. I have a second interview for one, and one tomorrow morning. 

I have NEVER, EVER had a hard time finding employment. I also wasn't as picky about my needs either. Having a child comes with responsibility, which I have, and money. Money really is the issue. I am not above working many jobs, but I can't take jobs that I can't place my daughter in a safe, affordable preschool/daycare. I truly desire to work no more than part time until she is in school and even then I want flexibility to drop her off and pick her up, or at least one of them if Scott can do the other. I am forced to battle internally with what is more right to do. When I did work full time I had such a small amount of time with her it really wasn't fair to her. I also made the decision to go for a career and get back in school, cutting my time with her even shorter some days. Being unemployed has given me so much time with my daughter and I am truly blessed by this.

So here is my dilemma, which caused me to write this blog. I have potentially two opportunities in the near future. I may have to turn one down because I can only see it taking away from my time to look for a better paying job, with more advancement opportunities. The other I may have to start out low on the pay scale but have better advancing opportunities. I just can't see taking a position that only hinders our situation, without a foreseeable advancement.

 I am a firm believer in the Bible and Jesus. God provides. He does, He always has. This isn't our first go around with a financial hardship, I mean we got married right as the recession hit and have been through 3 lay-offs in 5 years. He has gotten us through and shown His faithfulness. It is hard to see past this point right now, but I know He can and that is what I keep trying to focus on. Today was probably one of the harder days as I sat down to see what next months budget will possibly look like. It is never comforting to see more outgoing than incoming. 

We have been racking our brains on how to lower the outgoing, but unless we "give back" our Jeep and commit financial suicide... and career suicide as a person going into the accounting field... we can't see how to lower our outgoing. I have cut every place I can cut so I have put my trust in the Lord again, and wait for Him to show me what He has in store because it is now beyond my control. Applying for jobs is only part of the battle and I am doing my part. 

"And my God will supply all your needs according to His riches in glory in Christ Jesus" -Phil 4:19

So God I say to You: I am grateful for all You do in my life. You see the needs of my family and my individual needs. I ask for You to provide and guide me to make the correct choices that align with Your will. Give me faith unshakable, even when everything seems hopeless. 

Amen.