Change

Today marks a day that change is in motion. It is official as of today we have put plans in motion to move in to my mother-in-laws house. This is a blow to my pride as I am proud of how well I have done at a young age. I understand that circumstances are beyond my control and that taking this step in admitting I need someones help is actually more mature than covering it up and facing the sever consequences. Other things are easier for me to say I need help with, I fully admit my weakness's and have no problem talking about them, but this has been a bit harder for me. It means I have to rely on someone else to function as a family. God seems to always be working on my humility. Apparently he thinks this is an area that needs improving because this has always been what I can control. I could control how hard I worked and my living standards. I have been successful at EVERY job I have ever worked. I have only ever worked at 1 place since high school that I did not get a raise and promotion. This is what has made my parents so proud of me. This is what I pride myself on. I am a hard worker that when I set my mind to it I can do anything and take care of it myself... Now I feel like I have lost that.

It's so stupid actually. Everyone at some point or another has or will fall on hard times. I am very thankful that I have a few people that can help me when I need it. I am not going to be out in the cold with no roof over my families head. It's just this pride thing surfacing in me that I have lost control of my life. This is probably a good thing. I shouldn't feel the weight of having to be the "perfect one" that hold everything together and makes it work. I shouldn't have to live up to anyone's standard except the one that God holds before me, but even he knows I will fall and fail, especially when I rely on my own strength. I know this is a process of letting him hold the reigns and putting all trust in him. I want that security and know it is there but in this area I hate letting it go. I want so badly to not be the "young couple that did things way too early and is now paying the price and back at 'home'". I have to accept that nothing I did put us in this position. We could not foresee Scott loosing his job and the economy. We are not alone in this and many people are having to do just what we are.

I am nervous about moving in with family but we had a chat today and put concerns on the table and I feel that settled me down a bit. Now... moving AGAIN. We are selling most of are stuff because we don't want to pay for storage. Some of our friends have offered space in their attics so the big stuff is mostly what will go. (So if you need anything ask us and we might just be selling it). Selling things will also give us a jump start on getting caught up too. I will still be looking for part time work but any work at all seems very hard to come by... again I know I am not alone in that search, unfortunately.

I will end this on a positive subject! I LOVE the Hunger Game books!!! I am in the middle of the third one and after McKayla is down for the night I will be finishing it. Sad but probably good since most of my time has been used reading the first two books lol! I saw previews for the movie and if they are able to do the books justice they (assuming they make 3 movies like the books) might just become my favorite movies of all time! Who is up for going to see the midnight showing of it on the 23rd with me?????