It is hard being a mom

Today was a tough day. If you are new to my blog HEY! If not you know that I am now working full time and have a husband who works nights and am a mom of an almost 2 year old. Since I have had my daughter I have not worked more than 16 hours a week, and when I did I was watching kids at my house with her. SO needless to say this is not easy. My daughter misses me like crazy... and I am fairly certain she is punishing me because she is mad when I have to leave or put her to bed or have to tell her no (which that part is normal at her age and I get). Today was the worst day of all though. I have spent most of the evening crying.

 It started with me not being able to say good bye this morning because she was asleep and I wasn't dropping her off today. If I tried to kiss her good bye I would have woken her up and then caused everyone else to have to listen to her cry as I left so I decided against it and just barley peeked on her before I left. And of course like every other day I miss her and feel bad that I am not a full time mom anymore. When I got home she told me she was hungry so I fixed her dinner. She is on this kick of only liking a few things: PB&J, Chicken Nuggets, Crackers, Yogurt and Banana's. None of these things were on the menu. I gave her meatloaf and mashed potatoes... 2 months ago she would have eaten it. Today she pushed the plate away the second my hand left the plate. I told her that was what was for dinner and she needed to try it. This apparently was the worst thing ever and she threw a huge fit and bawled her eyes out. Then I tried to get her down from the chair and she wouldn't let me do that... After I got her down she told me she was hungry (again). I said well that was your dinner... she threw another fit.

 A few minutes after she calmed down she wanted one of her favorite toys that was outside by the pool, so we went to go get it... she walked straight to the pool and told me she wanted to kick. I said "baby you can't right now you have pants on". She threw her body on the ground and had another tantrum. I picked her up brought her inside where a movie was on for her, and she decided to continue the tantrum on the couch. After this I had enough. I hadn't been home for 12 hours and was tired and really not in the mood. SO I picked her up took her to her room (which caused louder screaming) and told her when she was done crying she could come out. WELL she got hysterical and it was too much... so I picked her up a few minutes later and just held her. She was clutching me (as she has been doing since I started work, never wanting me to go and crying. She has different cries. This cry is sadness and breaks my heart.) So I take her out of her room to calm her down. She wailed in my arms clutching me and pushing me, kicking and blowing boogers all over me. This made me cry. I cried for my obligation to go to work to make money and leave her with anyone else, to have to only see her 2 hours a night and for putting her to bed while she cries for me because I know I have to put her to bed, but feel guilty for her not getting more time with me. I just kept thinking this isn't fair, to her or me. I am the mom, I should be able to stay home and tend to her, raise her and discipline her without feeling this guilty because I never see her! I miss her! She did this for I'd guess about 20 minutes. I just held her rubbing her back and cried silently.

I also have this childcare issues with getting a new sitter because of some medical issues with my current one (which are totally understandable and I don't blame her one bit). Let's just say I have only a few options because I don't want her in an unsafe place that I am not comfortable with (Daycare facility). Some of the options have been limited (with reason) because I share a house, but that is what is also causing stress. I feel like I can't win, nor can I afford to spend a ton of money on childcare.

 Does anyone understand? I am not really wanting advise (because Lord knows everyone gives that freely) I am just wanting someone to understand and tell me I am not a horrible mom, and I am not messing my child up, that I am making a better future for her and our little family. But even if I am told that... will it help? I don't know.

 It is hard being a mom.

Pre-Veda welcome video

KROD Theme: Non-native Artists

I happen to get Liz for my blog swap with 20sb AND for KROD this month! HOW FUNNY! So check out her video and see what song she picked this round... yeah she really does take a drink of water in the middle of her video lol! You can find her blogging away on her blog Joyful Calamity!

And don't forget to check me out on Heathers blog at Musings of Heather!! I am singing an amazing Scottish song!!!

20sb Blog Swap- Childhood Summer Vacation

I am hosting Liz  from     Joyful Calamity        After reading this you will probably want to check out her blog by clicking on her name  (and find my post on my favorite childhood vacation) and find her on Twitter @artemis13_999! Also check her out on 20sb  http://www.20sb.net/profile/LizBaldwin
Enjoy reading about her CHSV!

When I found out the theme of the blog swap this summer was childhood summer vacations, I got so excited.  I tried to figure out which of the fabulous vacations that I remember I would write about.  And then I ran into my first of little snafu….. no photos. Dun, dun dun!   After some stress and writing a couple posts, I finally decided on a vacation destination that I went to many (many!) summers…. My family’s camp on Flagstaff Lake in central Maine.

Honestly, this was (and still is) one of my favorite places to relax and get away from the world.  When I was younger, we would go for a few weeks at a time, generally at the same time that my aunt and cousins were there.  There would be tons of running around, hiking, swimming and canoeing.  One summer we brought out a face painting kit and played as witches, tigers, and other various creatures.  Another we all tie dyed t-shirts.

One of the great things about the camp – at least in my opinion – is that it is literally in the middle of nowhere.  That means no electricity and no running water.  We have to pump water every day to get some ready for drinking.  There is also an outhouse.  Which, let’s face it, it probably not the most enjoyable thing in the world.  We do have lights and a fridge – all gas powered.

I hope that when I have kids one day, I’ll be able to take them out there and help them create their own great memories.

VEDA sign ups!

http://www.writingtoreachyou.com/2012/07/16/veda-2012-sign-up/

Go to this link and Sign up for VEDA!!! It will be fun! Give yourself a challenge and do it! This link is a different one then the one posted on "New Happenings" but is a better link! Are you ready?

New happenings!

New things are happening in my world. I came back from Hawaii (very sad to be back, I'd much rather be in Hawaii) and not even a week into being back I am offered a full time job! Praise God he provides! Not only that but I start TOMORROW! CRAZY! I had come back to work at Soma intimates  which only gave me about 8 hours a week at minimum wage, with taxes taken out that came to a whopping $13.95... barely enough to cover gas to work and back. So I gave my weeks in hopes of finding a better paying and full time job so my husband can go back to school. They didn't schedule me for the rest of my time at Soma and then 2 days later I got a job offer! YAY! Things worked out perfect! And my really amazing friend Melissa whom I love dearly and trust with my life is going to take care of my daughter! I am blessed to have her available on that short of a notice to watch her. I know she will be well taken care of and loved.

With all these blessings I have some pain though, I am no longer going to be a stay at home mom... this breaks my heart. I know I have been blessed in this day and age to have had the 2 years home with her that I have had (with on and off part time work) but I do feel guilty leaving her with someone (anyone) who is not her mom. I wanted so badly to stay at home until she was in school but I know that my husband getting his accounting degree will help us in the future financially and be worth this time of work. Does anyone get this? The feeling like you are a horrible mother because you have to work? It totally sucks.

I am excited at the same time... except I will be up super early. I plan on getting up at 4:30am to work out for 30 minutes and then get ready so I can be out the door at 6:15am. Both of these time are disgusting hours of the day to me lol! I hate mornings... If you read any of my posts you might know it's because I have insomnia. This will be a big hurdle to jump. I hate anything before 10am lol! SO i pray this job is a good one and oh ya... it's through a temp agency so if I like it I hope I get hired on. The pay is good so for sure I'd take it if it is a good one. Pray for me to sleep!

On another note! VEDA is coming up!! WHAT IS VEDA you ask? Vlog Every Day in August! So I am asking you to participate! I am! View this link VEDA and sign ups start tomorrow 7/16/12 ! ALSO PLEASE comment on this post with your youtube channel link is you are participating so I can make sure I watch your VEDA videos!

Hope you all join!

First Guest Blogger! Meet Emmy!

I have my first Guest Blogger! 


Here name Is Emmy and I love her blog so much I asked if she would write a guest post. She was very happy to and I am grateful. Remember to check her out at any of the links at the bottom of this posting.


Hello, friends! I'm Emmy and I am a city girl, who after graduating college found myself working as a youth minister in a small town. Other than adjusting from the culture shock, you'll most likely find me reading a good novel (probably Harry Potter), writing on my blog or one of my fictional stories, hanging out with my dog, or helping with the local community theatre. Life out in the "real world" is crazier than I thought it would be, but with a little bit of love and a little bit of coffee, I make it through one day at a time, as I try to figure out what God has in store for me. I would love for you to join me!


GUYS.


I met a boy the other day.


It was at a party, we hung out, flirted, he was really sweet, cute, had tattoos, loved Jesus, and it was awesome. Nothing crazy over the top, but considering that in the town I live in I haven't found ANY guy that I've been into. ANY. The spontaneous flirt session was welcome.

That is what I wrote about on my Tumblr the other day. (I have a private Tumblr that only about five people know about.) Then... someone commented.

They quoted a verse from Leviticus about how tattoos were bad and said they hoped this guy had fun burning in hell.

WHAT?!??!?!?!?!?!?!?

First of all - CLEARLY this person completely missed the point that I met a boy. Don't we know what the important things are in life? Come on now. ;)

Second - just... WHAT?

So I commented back, trying to explain God's grace.

He commented back talking about the Bible contradicting itself.

This is an old story. We've heard it time and time again. I remember several years ago, I would step up to any theological and religious debate. I would have my Bible verses and little comparisons that my youth leaders taught me so I could "defend the faith."

At first it's because you genuinely want the other person to know and understand God's love. Because it's so amazing and wonderful and out of this world. It's the best thing a person can know.

Then... you get to a point when that's not what it's about anymore.

It's about winning the argument. It's defending your pride. Being the last one to have a say.

The thing is guys - we don't have to defend God. God is a big boy. He can defend himself.

After a little while I stepped away from what could turn into a huge online battle. I posted that I wasn't going to say anything more because arguing wasn't going to be showing Gods love. People commented back about  how they killed my dreams and they had the last word.

It was really tempting to post again and try to explain God's love again.

But I didn't.

A few minutes later I saw this:

“He who does not understand your silence will probably not understand your words.” - Elbert Hubbard


All that person wanted was to pick a fight. It's hard to know when to step away, but sometimes you just have to. Because if they don't understand why you're stepping away, they aren't going to understand what you're going to say either. 


That's why I do my best to not step up to religious arguments and debates anymore. 


They don't really show God's love. Because it ends up being about your pride - and not Jesus. 


If someone is insulting what you believe in, keep going. It'll be okay. Pray for them. Continue to show God's love.

Besides, Jesus said that people will know us by our love. That doesn't have to be with words.

Also, I'm now in that awkward stage of "is he going to try to contact me?" "Should I try to contact him?" "What if I misread those signals?" "What if he really wasn't into me and he's just nice to everyone?" "If I try to contact him will he think I'm some weird stalker chick?"

Source

Sigh.

Oh life.

URL: http://www.lovewokemeupthismorning.com/
Blog Name: Love Woke Me Up This Morning
Twitter: @LoveWokeMeUp (https://twitter.com/#!/LoveWokeMeUp)
Facebook: Love Woke Me Up This Morning (https://www.facebook.com/LoveWokeMeUp)
Pinterest:Love Woke Me Up (http://pinterest.com/lovewokemeup/)
Goodreads: http://www.goodreads.com/user/show/7426632-emily
Instagram: @lovewokemeup

Vlog on Blog Hawaii Video