Just Sandy

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Wednesday, March 30, 2011

It's a New Day

Today is a New Day. It's also a beautiful day outside, the sun is shining just a light breeze. So much to be thankful for. My Family was here to support me yesterday (and my sister has been awesome in coming over everyday to help me out!) and I can call on them anytime, I have a beautiful little girl, a wonderful husband who knows how to care for me when I go through extremely hard times, a church that has prayers for me everyday, and amazing friends who can feel my pain and cry with me. I am rich in love. I have lost a life, but gained so many things already. I realize I will be sad from time to time wishing in 6 1/2 to 7 months I could be holding my 2nd child in my arms. But Jesus is doing that for me right now. He is also holding me right now, comforting me in my pain and helping me move on.

Right now I can't see why my miscarriage happened, but in time I believe it will be reveled. My cousin Tammy also lost children and has recommended this book called "I'll Hold You In Heaven" by Jack Hayford. I am looking forward to getting the book as soon as I am comfortable getting out of the house. I think that will be soon, it's only because of the fact that I need rest and healing time that I am not ready to get out. I think I am ready for people to visit if anyone wants... my house is out of order right now. I was in the middle of going through baby clothes to save if I had a girl, and going through my own clothes that I wouldn't be able to fit into for a while... now I have to redo those things. But if you are up for seeing me and not caring about our mess, I am ready.

I really got to talk to Scott last night and hear how he feels. We had what I felt was an amazing connection talking through loosing our child. It really helped me to hear how he felt, because he wouldn't have talked about it if I didn't ask. He was just concentrating on being there for me. Then we read Chapter 3 of "Crazy Love" by Francis Chan to just concentrate on the love God has for us. He is mourning our loss with us. 

Although yesterday was the hardest day of my life, I needed that to happen to move on. Seeing the fetus I could have done without, but the passing is good for my body and what needed to happen to move on physically and a step in moving on emotionally. I guess I wouldn't have been sure, without seeing it, if I had passed it. I praise God through all of this and ask still for prayers and encouragement.

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