I went to church this morning. First morning since we found out about the miscarriage. It was all good when I first walked in, a little nervous but sincerely thought I would do fine... I was wrong. Worship team played "Everything Falls" by Fee for practice before service. It crushed me and I had to run to the bathroom to cry. Trying not to be seen I went into an open stall and just cried. I tried to wait the ladies out that were in there but they were in conversation and it didn't seem to be ending so I tried to wipe my eyes off and walk out. Now when I cry you can tell most of the day that I have cried so playing it off didn't work. One of the ladies gave me a big hug and asked if I was Sandy, and when I replied yes she said she has been praying for me. The tears I was fighting back for the 2nd time came rolling out again.
So now everyone in church saw me and knew I had been crying. Most of them if not all of them knew why I was crying. Service started and I went to the front so people could only see the back of me because I knew I was going to bawl once they actually played the whole song. Then when worship started EVERY song they played made me cry. But then I couldn't hold back the bawling when they played "Everything Falls". It's an amazing song, it really is. But in the weak state I am in it spoke to me like never before.
"When everything falls apart Your arms hold me together,
When everything falls apart Your the only hope for this heart,
When everything falls apart and my strength is gone I find you mighty and Strong,
You keep holding on, You keep holding on"
That is the chorus, but the verses were full of descriptions of me right now. It was an emotional break down. One women from church came to my side and just sang and hugged me as I cried. It was really something that she came to try and comfort me. I know who she is but we don't know each other that well and still she came to my side to comfort me. That was so moving. I just lifted my hands and tried to sing through the sobbing. I praise God for that song. It's my life right now and he knew I needed that message. His arms are holding me together. When I break down he is holding me together. I would fall apart without him. Just like I said in a previous post. I would just lye on the floor and never get up.
Jesus knows my heart and how to reach it. He did that today. He showed me how much people are there for me and care about what I am going through. He is apart of every good thing I go through and there to hold me when things are not so good. I praise him for how He loves me.
I have coffee with a friend in a little while. I am glad for it. I am sure I will have more to write about later but for now, I am just loved by my wonderful Savior, because that's what he is... a Savior.