Just Sandy

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Tuesday, April 26, 2011

1 month mark

Yesterday was the 1 month mark for the miscarriage (4 weeks). I was really busy with things to do for church and seeing a friend who I haven't seen in over 2 years! I met her sister-in-law and her 18 month old baby too! It was a pretty good day. Over Easter and Yesterday's conversation I have talked a lot to people about my miscarriage, especially Scott's cousin who I didn't know had one too. I held back the tears as we talked about it. It is still a very overwhelming feeling when I relive it all, but I am able to cope now. 

I think it is strange that we get comfort from people who have experienced the same pain. Only because you know that they have experienced the same pain, and you are comforted by knowing someone else had pain. It's just strange, but it really does help, not to say we would ever have wanted that for them but that because you now share something very personal and emotionally scaring.

I have been losing weight and getting back into shape since I have been able to exercise. I feel good about it now and love to work out, as before I was feeling guilty because I felt I was still carrying a baby and shouldn't be doing the things I was. It feels nice to be getting my body back in shape (and realizing that it is not what it once was every time I work out... that's not the nice part though!). 

I feel sometimes I got "over" this too quick, but I then realize I am not "over" it I am just at an acceptance stage. But it still feels like I got there fast, which is an answered prayer because my only prayer was for comfort and I now have it. I know my baby is waiting up in Heaven and never had to suffer one day in this awful world. It knows our Lord and Savior, something I only dream about for now. I get to meet my child in his or her perfected form, and he or she will meet me in mine. It give me hope and something more to look forward to. Makes Heaven almost more real in a sense. 

My church family has gotten me through a lot of this and I believe it was all the support and prayers on my behalf that got me to this point. I Thank God for them and their love for me and my family. Without them I would still feel heavy and depressed. I pray in some way I can use this situation to comfort someone else in their sufferings. That they can look at me and say "The memory and sadness will never go away but I see I can be happy and go on living life in the fact that I will one day meet my child". Maybe it will help their healing process. It will not answer any questions most likely because I still have questions of my own, but help the healing.

I am blessed. I am able to get pregnant and some women long for that. I was able to carry and have my 1st born, and some people will never know that. I have a wonderful church family, family, and friends. I am surrounded by people who love me. I am blessed. Thank you Jesus.

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